The Blog of kilyra

So Anthony is back in school and we're living off one income at the moment.  We have been making it work so far, but all these little costs are adding up - monthly tuition payments, old credit cards, bus passes etc.  I've got rent, bills, and groceries covered but these necessary extras are too much.

As a result, I kept pushing the student line of credit idea on him.  It's more like a credit card then a loan - you only pay back what you use.  This way, we can essentially consolidate all of his cards and we only have to pay $40 to cover interest.  Plus the tuition balance can be taken care of too. Great idea right?  I know!

He's resisted me every step of the way and I'm so frustrated with him.  At first he refused to even TALK about how we were going to keep afloat - like it was too stressful for him to even admit we have a problem.  And how does that help us buddy?  He did admit this was the best solution eventually.

But, then it was one excuse after another.  Finally I  did all the work including lining up our cosigner, finding out all the info we needed...frig I even dialed the phone last night because he refused to contact the bank while I was at work!  Then he was annoyed because I wanted to deal with it as soon as I walked through the door.  Seriously folks, all that was missing was him kicking and screaming as I was dragging him.

So I've completely stripped him of his masculinity in almost any way you can think of.  I mean not only he his not the breadwinner right now, but he doesn't get to have any say or responsibility in the finances. It makes me feel pretty shitty, but I can't keep on living in my overdraft keeping food on the table just so he doesn't feel bad.

I know he's the ostrich type.  When things get too stressful, it just makes him sick and he can't deal with it - so into the sand his head goes.  But that just doesn't get us anywhere.  It's tiresome though being the enforcer of the new solutions.  I don't know how to do it and still preserve his manhood y'know?  I kept trying to be happy and upbeat yesterday, but I felt like one of those stereotypical women beating their man over the head with a rolling pin. 

ugh.